Excerpt from Linchpin by Seth Godin:

"The system we grew up with is based on a simple formula: Do your job. Show up. Work hard. Listen to the boss. Stick it out. Be part of the system. You'll be rewarded.

That's the scam. Strong words, but true. You've been scammed. You traded years of your life to be part of a giant con in which you are definitely not the winner.

There are no longer any great jobs where someone else tells you precisely what to do."
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There's this push and pull you feel when you're starting out. Part of me pulls me back to be part of the system and taking it safer. The other part of me pushes me forward and tells me to connect with others even when there are no guarantees the market will like my ideas.

Maybe it's imposter syndrome. Or niavety. I have no clue and still looking for the answer.